Students talk about sexual assault

“I have experienced some level of coercion and sexual assault. Being a male and being able to get away if I needed to, I feel like it was different than for many other individuals, both male and female. While mine wasn’t traumatic, I have met a lot of students who have gone through experiences that were much more vivid and scarring.” —Undergraduate, Roger Williams University, Rhode Island

“I am not a victim, but my roommate was, and seeing her go through that was heartbreaking. Not only is the event itself terrible, but the aftermath of the assault is even worse.” —Third-year undergraduate, California State University, Chico

Witnesses to students’ trauma

Shift the college campus culture

“I have had verbal sexual abuse. My self-worth went down a lot. Untrue rumors went around because I still smiled at the person; my nature is to be kind, regardless. People took that as my invitation to the bully. I still sometimes beat myself up about it. It affects my communication skills today.” —Second-year online student, University of Tennessee at Martin

“Many survivors do not even consider what happened to them a sexual assault, and this causes internal conflict and guilt. Recovery is made harder when sexual assault is dismissed as not a real issue. We need a shift towards a college campus culture that recognizes sexual assault as a problem for both men and women.” —Fifth-year undergraduate, University of Nevada

“I was sexually assaulted by my now ex-boyfriend. I did not even realize it was happening at the time; he was very good at manipulating me. I struggled with that for a while. Knowing that my memory could block out such huge moments was scary, but I now see it as my mind trying to protect me.

Ask yourself: “Do I feel safe right now?”

“I have become educated on everything that happened to me. Whenever I have romantic encounters, I ask myself four important questions: ‘Do I feel safe right now? Do I feel respected? Would this person respect my right to change my mind in the middle? Do I actually desire this?’ I have grown as an individual and love who I have become.” —Second-year undergraduate, University of New Brunswick

“I am fortunate (and is it sad to say that this is fortunate?) that my experience with sexual assault is limited to being catcalled or spoken to in degrading or misogynist terms.

“In those scenarios I had to keep in mind that the people committing the acts of degradation are the ones revealing character flaws. It is their loss if they choose to see me in this way, because maintaining an uneven power balance in any relationship reveals who the weaker person is.” —Fourth-year undergraduate, University of Alberta

Weak people are the abusers

Other people’s judgment is re-traumatizing

“I’ve experienced being sexually assaulted by a classmate. I experience more PTSD from the social repercussions than from the assault itself.” —Graduate student, University of California, Los Angeles

“I met a girl my freshman year who told me she had been raped by two of her guy friends. She told her friends, and they said she was being dramatic and was just really drunk. It broke my heart to think that this girl’s closest friends thought she would lie about something that consumed her thoughts every day. It is crucial that sexual assault prevention education covers how to provide support to a friend/peer who has been sexually assaulted.” —Fourth-year undergraduate, Illinois State University

“It took me a long time. I told a close friend who I completely trust. He was aware that I needed space and would not do anything until I was comfortable and ready. Having someone who doesn’t treat me any differently is the greatest feeling in the world. It almost makes what happened fade away so that I can move on with my life and pursue healthy relationships.” —Second-year graduate student, Westfield State University, Massachusetts

“I called a friend the next day and she got so mad at me for ‘letting it happen’. It made me feel worse. But as time has gone on I realized how scared I was in the moment. When you’re in that situation your brain is completely frozen. To supporters of victims: Make sure they know you support them and that it was not their fault. Do make it known that they can report the incident, but do not pressure them to do so. Most importantly, make it known that you are there for them no matter what they choose to do, and offer to help them find help.” —Second-year undergraduate, Kwantlen Polytechnic University, British Columbia

If your friend has been assaulted, don’t do that, do this

“I grew up in an environment where people were abused for years and there was not a thing I could say or do because I was a child. I have nightmares of someone coming for me again. The more I talk about it, I feel better, like I have just let go of a piece of hurt and can get a little bit of ‘me’ back. Now that I am an adult I will speak out, not to hurt the one who hurt me but to free myself.” —Second-year student, Wake Technical Community College, North Carolina

Childhood sexual abuse should be discussed

“I experienced sexual abuse by a family member from age 5 to 12. I often don’t feel like my narrative is reflected in much of the conversations around sexual assault on campus, but one thing that I do know is that being validated and being listened to is essential. If you tell a survivor of any trauma that their story doesn’t seem right or couldn’t be true, or point out other explanations that are more palatable, you are adding to their pain and suffering. For me, talking about it with my therapist, partner, and friends has been instrumental in moving forward.” —Third-year undergraduate, Stanford University, California

Students talk about sexual assault

Witnesses to students’ trauma