Your introvert advantage and how to use it

Survival basics

• Hey, think about it for a while. You’re on trend: Mindfulness is in.
• Say: “I’m paying attention. There isn’t someone in the world that I can’t learn something from.”
• Or: “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open” (Frank Zappa, multi-genre musician).
• Or: “It’s my precaution against foot-in-mouth disease.”

Students' strategies

“The ‘fake it till you make it’ mantra can actually be more helpful than most people might think.”
—Tyler M., fifth-year student, Indiana University Southeast

“I take a few really slow, deep breaths to clear my head and calm myself. Smile, think positive thoughts, and be optimistic for the outcome.”
—Wing Tung C., second-year student, Collin College, Texas

“Become a great listener, and then when expected to contribute, do so with confidence.”
—Margaret T., third-year graduate student, State University of New York, Empire State College

Survival basics

• Brainstorm solo before meeting up with the crew.
• Write out thoughts that are difficult to present in person, and send your group an outline.
• You’re good at thoughtful feedback. Starting with a compliment validates your
  peers’ work and makes them more open when you then state a need.
• Set parameters (e.g., meet in a reserved library room or someone’s apartment for whatever duration you can tolerate). Let everyone know you will need to leave at a specific time for your next obligation.
• Offer to present the part you are most passionate about and use your prep powers
  to nail it in front of the class.

Students' strategies

“If I weren’t visually impaired I would be an extrovert. I hate group projects; I’ve learned to deal with them though. I always have to explain myself to the group. People think I am dead weight, but I’m usually the one to pull the group together and the one who does the most work.”
—Caitlin W., fourth-year undergraduate, Northern Illinois University

“After a meeting or event, I would maybe approach the leadership [or team] about ways that we could make the situation more inclusive of introverted personalities. I find that most people are usually understanding of this and make appropriate changes.”
—Tyler F., fourth-year student, Tulane University, Louisiana

“When I have to speak publicly or have to work in a group setting, I use humor to deal with these situations.”
—Mayte S., graduate student, Midwestern State University, Wilson School of Nursing, Texas

Survival basics

• Think of this as “human connection” rather than “networking.”
• Ahead of time, identify two or three people who you want to connect with. At the event, ask for their contact information and/or give them yours. Make notes on their business cards so you remember who’s who. Follow up by email within a week.
• Use your listening skills, ask insightful questions, and absorb the vision of the company or the research interests of a professor or graduate student.
• Offer to meet and chat over a shared interest—one that doesn’t actually let you chat that much. Watch a sports game or show. Go for a jog together.

Students' strategies

“If it’s a meeting with a new employer, I give myself a pep talk and make a strategy, and I set small sequential goals in order to get through it without hitches.”
—Jessica S., second-year student, John Tyler Community College, Virginia

“Just diving in. Sometimes the situation needs action right away, or like a job interview, it is something you have to do. So I take a deep breath and tell myself that I can do this. It usually works out, although I do sometimes have anxiety. The more I do this, the easier it gets, even though new situations can still give me a bit of trouble.”
—Jennifer B., first-year student, Central New Mexico Community College

“I have a number of conversation starters prepared. I also ready myself by only going to events I absolutely need to or optional events that I am very interested in on a personal level.”
—Gwenyth S., doctoral student, Law Society of Newfoundland and Labrador

Survival basics

• Plan to go for a limited time or offer to ride with/take someone who also wants to bounce out early or who has plans after.
• Pregame with a funny video clip or TV show to nourish your social energy.
• Offer to celebrate one-on-one (e.g., “Let me take you out for a birthday latte and hear about your weekend”).
• Let your friends know that you enjoy spending time with them in doses, you appreciate the invite, and you unwind in your own way. 
• The old standby: “I have plans.” (A Netflix binge by yourself.)
• Exit strategy: Fake an urgent call. Try an app such as Call Me Please, Call Me, or Fake a Call Free.

iOS Apps:
Fake a Call Free
Call Me Please

Android Apps:
Fake a Call Free
Call Me

Students' strategies

“I just let others step forward to engage in conversations and ideas, and from there I get comfortable with the environment around me.”
—Mark S., second-year student, Pasadena City College, California

“I try to talk at least a little when I’m in crowds or with new people. If I do feel overwhelmed, I will excuse myself for a little while, pump myself up, and go back in to socialize. People aren’t horrible, so why should I be afraid of them?”
—Candy G-C., first-year student, Red Rocks Community College, Colorado

 “For known situations I prepare and try to find lower-input places to recharge if needed. For unexpected situations, I try to prioritize where my energy should go, and focus on being kind to myself, since I’m rarely at my best in such situations.”
—Lillie M., second-year student, John Tyler Community College, Virginia

Survival basics

• To launch confidently into the project, talk through the requirements privately with the professor.
• Practice alone or with one other person. To get away with talking out loud in a public space, wear an earpiece as if you’re making a call.
• Arrive ahead of time. Make sure your slides are working smoothly, and practice standing comfortably in front of your soon-to-be audience.
• Step out from behind the podium and your notes. Use note cards only for key words to jog your memory.
• Look above people’s eyes instead of directly at their eyes. Then, when you’re ready, ease into eye contact. Or try the “figure eight” method: Your gaze traces an eight on its side, like the infinity symbol. 

Students' strategies

“[I practice] mental meditation, pre-event. Sort of storing up energy.”
—Ryan C., second-year student, Red Rocks Community College, Colorado

“I rehearse what I’m going to say. Then [when talking publicly]
I pretend that I’m alone.” 
—Alex C.*, third-year student, University of California, Los Angeles (*Name changed)

“I do what I have to do, regardless of the situation or expectations. Be accessible and open. Sometimes you’ve got to step out of your comfort zone and put on different hats.”
—Tamara W., second-year student, Wake Technical Community College, North Carolina

“Try to focus on the goal at hand rather than worry about the interaction.”
—Clint G., third-year graduate student, Southwestern Oklahoma State University

Survival basics

• Use headphones and books to signal that you’re not available for chitchat.
• Target several quiet nooks on campus or in the local community for working, reading, and alone time.
• Close your door when you need some space. For a more direct approach, put a sign on your door: on one side, “Studying/working do not disturb”; on the other, “Come on in.”
• See where the people are (and are not): The app Cloak allows you to find or avoid people, based on their collective social media activity, so you can grab lunch with a close coworker while avoiding the whole department.
• The app Headspace offers meditation and mental escape. Emma Watson, a self-proclaimed introvert, tweeted that this app is “kind of genius.”

iOS App:
Cloak

iOS & Android App:
Headspace

Students' strategies

“I make sure I have time to recuperate alone afterward. I’m much happier in social situations that require a lot of energy if I know I have a few hours to hang at home with my cat after!”
—Lianne B., third-year graduate student, University of California, Los Angeles

“Social situations are a necessity of our existence. I try to be cheerful and engaged or engaging when I do. Afterwards, though, I take time to myself to recharge just doing something relaxing (reading, playing a game, etc).”
—Anna M., doctoral student, Johns Hopkins University, Maryland; University of California, Berkeley